Show Him Some Love

Emily (new bloggy acquaintance found through the UBP!) has a REALLY GOOD challenge going on right now. It’s a “Show Him Some Love” challenge. I like the sound of that!!

I’ve written a little bit before (here and here and here and here) on how I feel about my husband, loving him, wifery, etc. It’s something I hope to write more about in the near future. And this challenge is a good way to get started.

The basic idea is that you read over this list of 100 Ways to Show Love to your husband, pick 5 to complete by/work on until May 27th, and write a post about it. The writers of the list suggest that you go over the list with your husband, so that he can indicate which things are important to him, which things he doesn’t care about. YEAH. Not gonna happen. My husband hates stuff like that and I can guarantee that at the top of his list would be “Don’t bug with me with questions, quizzes and things I have to think about.” Yup.

Fortunately for me, and for him, I know him pretty well.

And even if there are some things on there that he might like that I don’t know about, I’m pretty confident that I can pick 5 ways to show him I love him that he will actually appreciate.

So which ones did I pick?

Well here’s a list of things I KNOW he won’t care about: “Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly (schedule it when necessary);” “Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind that he’d really enjoy;” “Initiate going out on romantic outings (when he’s not tired);” “Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.”

And here’s a list of things I already try to do regularly enough that it would be a cop-out to pick these: “Respectfully communicate with him;” “Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely;” “Don’t allow any family member to treat him disrespectfully. Be the one to defend him to any family member that dishonors his place as your husband;” “Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you;” “Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day;” “Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it;” “Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do it as “unto the Lord.;”

So, after all that, here’s the five I ended up choosing:

1. Compliment him often. I’ve fallen out of the habit of praising, complimenting and thanking for good things enough, which leaves complaining and pointing out shortcomings the bulk of what he hears. Even if I don’t criticize very often, if there’s no complimenting going on… criticism is all he’ll hear. And not only do I NOT want that for him, but there are plenty of good things he does that goes unnoticed. We all like to know that we’re doing a good job so that we don’t get discouraged and give up.
2. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride. – This would be a huge thing in his eyes. I’ve already begun working on this in the last few months and I need to keep working on it, because initially he was skeptical of my sincerity but eventually he’ll see a change in me. I have a tendency to kick into “defensive mode” immediately, and it comes across like a stream of excuses to him, instead of a line of defense. (Either way, it’s not ideal.) So I need to keep intentionally working on that, too.
3. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually. *Snicker* You’re probably thinking – “What?? You don’t do that already??” ;0) Truth is, I DO… sort of. I make an effort to make time for him at the end of the day but I think the keywords in this sentence are “reserve some energy.” Who wants leftover energy? What kind of signal does it send when you say (through actions) “I’m really really tired, but I’m going to spend time with you anyway.” Making a point to get enough sleep each night so I’m not so tired by the end of the day will help with this, as will taking a few minutes to refresh later in the day (taking a shower to wake up and ease sore muscles, drinking a cup of energizing hot tea, and so on.)
4. Do some shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him (like watching a movie or taking a drive together) without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk. Oh, he’d LOVE this. I talk. A lot. Him – notsomuch. I’ll have to find opportunities to put this into practice.
5. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them. Another one at the top of his list, I’m sure. Again with the talking. ;0)

And here’s one more that I’m adding, that he would probably roll his eyes at, that I don’t do enough, but that I’m not including on the list of 5 because I think it should be above and beyond my daily actions and words:

Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.

And lest you think this is ALL about the husband (well, this post is, and this challenge is).. the authors of the 100 ways also developed a list of “100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way.” (Dear Hubs, if you’re reading this, #s 1, 38, 39 and 78 would be at the top of my list.) ;0)