A man needs to feel loved, too.
We’ve been working our way through a series on Marriage about bringing good things to our husband and to our marriage through respect, trustworthiness, and love. We have covered three different ways we show and build respect for our husbands (through submission, our speech, and trust,) and we also talked about trustworthiness (in our relationship with our spouse, relationships with others, and general responsibleness,) and today we will wrap up this series in one fell swoop with our third topic: LOVE.
{You can find all “She Brings Him Good” series posts here.}
Finally, the third major need we can meet for our husbands:
A man needs to feel loved too.
Men may scoff at this, saying “I don’t need all the mushy gushy stuff,” but men DO need to feel loved. They just need it differently than we do. A man feels love when he is respected, when he feels secure in the love and trust of his wife, and when he feels like his needs are being met. And hey , we’ve ready covered the first two. 😉
Every husband is different, but James’ main love language is acts of service. Some of you may have wondered why I lay out his clothes every morning or run so many errands for him. Am I spoiling him? It’s because this is his love language. I am speaking to his strongest love language every time I do something for him.
If you aren’t sure what your husband’s biggest love language is, you might start by observing what he asks for most. Does he ask you to help with errands, or does he ask you to sit by him and hold his hand, or does he ask you to spend time with him? James almost never asks me to sit and talk with him, because words are not his love language. (But they are mine.) ;0) Looking there is a good place to start.
Don’t underestimate the power and necessity of physical intimacy.
Unlocking a woman’s heart and emotions may be key for physical intimacy for her,…but for many men, the opposite is true. For many men, physical intimacy triggers or enhances the feelings. They may already feel loved, but then they will feel MORE loved. This is especially true if physical touch is one of your husband’s love languages (if they frequently ask for holding hands and hugs) but even if it isn’t.
So, while women may need to “feel” loved to open up, men don’t usually. It may seem like a design flaw but I think that it’s actually pretty genius on God’s part because now the husband and wife have to work together to meet each other’s needs. Meet the one, feed the other, and vice versa.
–>Ladies, it’s hard sometimes to break through whatever emotional baggage we’ve carried in with us from the day, being tired, overwhelmed, disappointed from work or kids, whatever. But physical intimacy is a great “baggage check!” It helps us let go of all the junk and clutter we have picked up throughout the day. It’s not just benficial for our husbands, and our relationship together, but for us, too!<—
Loving him through prayer
The final way that we can love our husband, make him feel loved, and do good for him, is to pray for him.
Years ago I started this thing where I would pray for James from head to toe. (Actually I called it Loving Him From Head To Toe, but I’m talking about prayer here.) James falls asleep in approximately 30 seconds as soon as his head hits the pillow, and I generally take 20 minutes or more to fall asleep. So as he would lay there sleeping, I would pray over him, literally from head, to toe. It would go something like this:
“Lord, I lift up James to you tonight, for protection, wisdom, and safety. Father protect his mind tomorrow, as he goes about his day, from doubts, fears, worries, and lies. Guard him against the enemy’s attacks, and let him rest in your truth, your wisdom, and your peace. I ask you to protect his ears Lord, that he would not listen to unwise counsel, that he would not entertain false lies or inappropriate conversations, but let the Holy Spirit whisper truth and wise counsel in his ears and let him hear it. Father protect his eyes tomorrow, guard him from temptations that he may see, and let him see your presence and your hand everywhere that he goes tomorrow.”
And I would move on, “let his words speak your truth and be encouraging to others,” and “let him turn over the burdens on his shoulders to you” and “let his arms and hands serve others and work for you,” and so and so on, all the way to his feet, that God would guide his steps for the coming day.
When I first began this, James wasn’t attending church or living any of these things, but I prayed them over him anyway. And as his life changed, the prayers changed a little, but the process stayed the same. I still do this sometimes, and I should do it more. Praying is the most loving thing we can do for our husbands.
And let him know that you pray for him. When he’s having a hard day, tell him, “I’m going to pray for that right now.” And then, do. Love him that way.
Again, respect and trust work together with love to make our husbands feel loved and secure in our relationship (as it is similarly true for us.)
These aren’t always easy things (they often aren’t,) and it’s not some kind of magic recipe for a perfect marriage. But these are good things, things God wants us to do, and they will go a long way in your marriage relationship.
As I’ve said at least a couple of times throughout this series, God doesn’t want us to do these things to try to change our spouse in any way–that’s his job. That’s were Jesus and the Holy Spirit come in. But
God does want us to work on our half, and that’s where Jesus and the Holy Spirit come in for us, too. It’s by the wisdom of the Spirit and the strength of Christ in me that I can work on and accomplish these things, in spite of my weaknesses, faults, and shortcomings. I pray that you have been blessed in some way through this series, and that you, too, can find your wisdom and strength in Jesus Christ, for the edification of your marriage.
Please, if you have any questions about something I have said here, or need any specific prayers, feel free to leave a comment or shoot me an email. I’m not an expert, but I can pray.
God bless you.
