I recently came to a very important realization: Men don’t think the same way that women do.
Oh – you already knew that? 😉
I already knew that my husband and I process things differently–and though that can sometimes be frustrating, it’s also one of the things I love about him. I can take a problem to James knowing that he’ll see it differently than I do and possibly have a solution that I couldn’t see on my own. But it’s not that kind of thinking I’m talking about here; I’m talking about something else entirely.
I have the ability to sit around and “think” about a whole lot of nothing for pretty good periods of time. I can ponder, daydream and consider all kinds of things. I can even spend a lot of time thinking about stuff that I will possibly never even do. Redecorating, landscaping, wardrobe shopping, traveling – these are just a few examples. For me, “thinking” is often a very abstract thing, and from what my friends tell me, I’m not the only woman that does this.
My husband, however, apparently does not do this.
Not long ago I was reading through Heidi St. John’s “The Busy Homeschool Mom’s Guide to Romance” when I came across the reminder that “men think about sex quite frequently.” Of course, I’ve heard that many times before, but for some reason or another, this time it occurred to me that I may not have the same definition of “thinking” that my husband does. So, I asked.
In an eye-opening conversation with my husband, I discovered that my husband doesn’t “waste” time thinking about things like I do. If he’s going to spend time thinking about something, it’s most likely something he’s actually going to take action on, or at least is considering and would like to take action on. His version of “thinking” is a much more concrete version than my abstract version of “just thinking” that I spend much of my day in.
See… this changes everything.
This changes the way I understand how my husband thinks about things. I mean, yes, my husband does have some things he dreams about and some things he thinks about and decides not to do – but we think even more differently than I previously realized. And that quote/reminder I just mentioned above? It’s not referring to *my* version of thinking, I’mJustSayin. It’s concrete.
I’ve always valued my husband and spending time with him, too–that’s not the issue here. But I did realize that I hadn’t been giving good quality thinking to “that kind of spending time” with him, and it’s too valuable for my abstract “just thinking.” And that’s my point–because I’m sure we can all agree that many battles are won or lost in our thought life. Mindset is important.
It’s amazing what you can accomplish with a simple change in perspective, an adjustment to your thinking. Ladies, if physical intimacy with your husband is a struggle, and there doesn’t really seem to be any particular reason other than “just daily life, I’m tired, the kids wore me out, I’m just not in the mood today,” and all the other similar excuses, there’s a good chance that your battle is simply a battle for mindset. Yes, we’re tired, and we’re worn out, that’s true. But it’s also true that we need that intimate time just as our husbands do, and we can’t allow ourselves to be deceived against that. Ask God to help you change your way of thinking, it’s the first step in that battle.
I know Marriage Minute went missing for a few weeks while my back to school carnival was going on, but we’re kicking things back off again for August.
Image background source: Woman With A Thought Bubble by Vera Kratochvil